Last year, some good friends of ours felt called by God to move their family back to the West Coast, to work with a church there. This meant a major lifestyle change, location change, focus change, etc. Because these friends of ours were part of the leadership of our church, it meant a transition for us. I helped them to move, driving their UHaul over the mountains and out to California last July. On my trip out, with my brother John accompanying me, I developed a keen sense of envy for their move. The sensation grew stronger the closer I got to their destination. Arriving, I found myself wishing very much that the West Coast was MY destination, not theirs. I didn't question whether or not they made the right choice in moving out there, even though I know the move was a difficult one. I questioned God. I questioned why THEY got to go and not me; not my family. God calling my friends' family to that church in California gave them a destination, but it also placed me and my family (and the whole church) into a season of transition. 
Earlier this year, as some of you may know, my bass player Jason and his family decided to move back to Florida. This was also a difficult decision for them, and for myself and the band, it meant more transition. In addition to those changes, I took on a seasonal job with a friend from church. This launched my family and I into a drastic season of transition, as it meant me being gone for lengthy periods of time from home. The fact that I already travel so much for work meant that the seasonal job (in Chicago) increased the time away from home exponentially.
Suffice it to say, the last year or so has been a LOT of transition. I've been desperately swinging around for anything to grab on to in terms of direction for myself and for my family. I've watched good friends leave and head into new seasons of their lives that are fulfilling and challenging, and I've felt envy for those friends.
In all this, I have been asking the Lord a lot of hard questions. Hard for me, anyways, because I haven't liked the answers. Not hard for Him. He knows the answers already. I may find them out, or I may not. Ever.
Having coffee with a friend a month or so ago I had a small revelation of sorts. A bit of an "Ah-ha" moment. I realized that I had been spending all of my time focusing on finding direction, finding answers to my questions, that I was ignoring the ACTUAL relationship with the Lord. I had been placing my need for answers, my desire for change, my hopes, my selfishness ahead of the Lord.
It was a small sting, a little prick of conscience, but it made me wake up to what I was focused on, and I'm grateful for it. I realized that I don't need to have answers in this season. I need to have God. I know and I trust that God is fully in control of the direction of my life, no matter how much transition, or how long the season. Any answers I seek will be revealed when and how the Lord wants them to be.
For many of you, this is not a new revelation, or a big one. That's ok. It was for me. It's still hard to sit still and wait, but the burden has been lifted off me. The burden of the future, the burden of answers, has been taken care of. For now, and for the rest of eternity, my role is simply existing in a relationship with the Lord that brings Him glory. I know I will fail magnificently at it most days, but thankfully God and His grace, timing, and direction are SO much bigger than my ability to screw up.
So I will dig in, continue to dream, continue to hope, and continue to seek Him first.
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