Bittersweet

So it's obviously been a while since I last blogged, and I know all of you (both of you) are waiting in anticipation. Well, your perseverance has paid off. Here we go. 

My family took a vacation up to Canada to visit my folks, and many friends. It was the first time in 4 years that we had been to Canada as a family. We left on the 25th of July, stopping in Columbus, OH to see our great friends the Vannattas, then went on to meet my folks up at a cottage in northern Ontario. 

We stayed at the cottage for a week, then went to Stayner Bible Conference Grounds, for a portion of the church family camp which my parents also attend each year. We camped in our tent, all 7 of us. After that, we went to Kitchener, which was my hometown in Canada from the time we returned from Nigeria until my move to the US. It is very much still home to me in many ways, partially because of friends still there, and partially because of so many memories of the formative time of my early 20s. While in Kitchener, we got the chance to connect with a few of our friends, as well as some of our extended family. 

So why bittersweet? Well, to be honest, the vacation itself was bittersweet. It was a wonderful time of reconnecting with my Mum and Dad (I call her Mum in Canada and Mom in the US). We really enjoyed all of the aspects of the stuff that we did, both with our kids, and while connecting with friends over late night drinks (polar bears!!!!). Our time at the cottage was very peaceful. Cilla and I chose to set our alarms for 5am 3 or 4 different mornings to get up and enjoy a cup of tea watching the sun rise over the lake. Truly beautiful. We swam with the kids, we went to an idyllic little church in Sundridge (where we completely overwhelmed the poor teacher of a Sunday school class of 5 by adding 4 of our own kids), we took a cruise on Lake Nipissing, and the kids got the chance to go to VBS at the same little church in Sundridge. We got out in the canoe a few times, and I even managed to take Cahira and Trevan fishing. 

At the family camp, the kids had a great time playing on the playground, and doing activities and crafts twice a day for 4 days. They even got to go see a brand new ultra high tech dairy farm in action that some second cousins of ours own. Really cool stuff. 

But when the time came for us to head back to KC, we felt very much unprepared. There was so much that we wanted to do that we didn't, but there was something more than that. It felt like in some ways we weren't supposed to go back. I know we were, because God has called us to KC, and we haven't felt that mandate and vision change, even though we've prayed about it so often. It was bittersweet for us to leave Canada because to be honest, we like it in Canada much better than we like it here in KC. We have a huge armada of great friends here in KC, no question. But that, we have realized, is the only thing keeping us here. We don't have as many friends in Kitchener, by a long stretch. Our last 11 years have been spent in KC, so of course that is where we've invested ourselves. But there is a sense of something very strong pulling us in Canada. I can't identify it, and I'm not even sure if it's Canada (or our specific situation) that is pulling us, or if it is some other intangible that hasn't revealed itself yet. Whatever it is, it's unsettling. Something is shaking us out of our comfort zone. Is it shaking us out of KC? I don't think so, at least not yet. 

Examining our situation from certain perspectives, I can see that God might be positioning us for some change, some new vision, new focus, new surroundings, whatever. The kids are homeschooled, which means mobility and freedom of schedule, my work is on a contract basis, so I answer only to myself regarding availability. So it could be that He's working us towards some sort of change. But from other perspectives, our work here in KC, our ministry, our church, the band, etc, all point towards us being here long-term. 

So I don't know what we felt in leaving Canada. Perhaps it was the disappointment of a much-too-rushed trip. We were gone on vacation for 20 days, and had it been 30 it would have still felt too short. Not to mention the strain on my folks of housing and feeding our small army. But we felt something that we can't ignore. Something of a check in our spirits which has raised our alertness to see what God is doing, and what He is saying. 

Our response at this point is to simply pray, and seek Him. If His Will is to move us on to some other thing, some other locale, then we are more than ready. If His desire is for us to remain here, continuing in this seemingly endless circle of waiting, then I'm trusting that He will be faithful to give us the grace, patience, and stamina for that. Whatever the case, we will continue to try and follow Him, no matter how unsettling the feeling.