Bye Honey!

One of the hallmarks of getting older is the higher frequency of scenarios that you meet with a slow shake of the head. “the crap kids listen to these days”, “what are they feeding them”, “how is this okay?” and the eternal gem “when I was young…” So it is with some hesitancy that I post this blog, in fear of sounding like an old guy.

Having said that, there is certainly something to be said for “old-fashioned” values. Specifically when it comes to marriage. 

The scenario which brings me to this was a commercial that I saw on TV as I was sitting at the airport waiting for my flight. It was a commercial for some money-saving tip on travel or hotels, or some other nonsense. I had tuned it out for the most part because that’s what I do with commercials. But whatever the case, the last little interaction with the narrator was to mention that the money one saves with this tip could be put towards a romantic getaway, followed by the statement, “bye honey!” The meaning, of course, was that this lady wanted to go on this romantic getaway without her husband. Of course it was done lightheartedly (is that a word?) but the effect lingers with me. In this day and age we live in, marriage is being viewed more and more as an archaic institution, one that only works for a few people, especially older ones who apparently don’t know any better. This is a perspective which is being encouraged (or perhaps initiated) by countless different sources, from sitcoms to movies, to music, to blogs, to news articles, to commercials. It really bothers me. I am a Christian, and I firmly believe that the Creator’s original and unchanged design for us is for one man and one woman to be in a covenant relationship with each other, supporting, loving, and helping each other as they navigate life. But it’s not only that. It’s more basic than that even. It has made me examine why society in general has made such light of marriage. True, many marriages are inherently bad, and most don’t survive. There are many tragic situations of abuse and neglect,  as well as infidelity and betrayal. A lot of people argue from the perspective of saving themselves pain and bitterness and disappointment by not marrying. But it’s more basic than that even.

I think, deep down, almost everyone wants a fairytale. I think that most women really truly do want a man to sweep her off her feet, treat her like a queen, and provide a loving and wonderful life for her. Most men, deep down, want to be the knight in shining armor. There is an in-born instinct in all men to chase a beauty, to win her, and to provide for her. For many people, the details of the fairytale have been distorted by life’s harsh ways. Perhaps parents have gone through a divorce. Or perhaps they are being influenced by friends who have been through similar failings in life.  No matter what the case, even if the details of the tale have changed and been blurred, there is still deep down inside all of us a need to be a princess or a knight.

What saddens and angers me is not even the scenario laid out in this commercial. It is that this commercial is an indication of where our society is at. We are surrounded by influences and bombarded with the idea that the fairytale of marriage is long dead, and there is much to be found in the safety of selfishness. That’s really what it is when it all boils down to it. Everything from this commercial to the “what happens in Vegas” theme tells us that ultimately if you place someone else’s good ahead of your own, you will end up regretting it. Do what you like, because in the end, you’re the only person who you HAVE to live with. Go ahead and indulge yourself a little with this pretty little number because chances are your marriage isn’t going to last anyways. It’s honestly a really sad thing. I’m no theologian, but I suspect that the root of all sin is our own selfishness. All of the wrong things we do, say, and feel can be traced back to our own selfishness. Our entire world is a never-ending parade of feel-good. Look what/who you can have if you just cater to your own desires.

The Bible is chock full of exactly the opposite. God’s will for us is to deny self. The golden rule, which isn’t in the Bible anywhere, is treat others the way you want to be treated. Even this great little nugget has been twisted and distorted. Most people assume that the point of the golden rule is a formula. If I want to be treated nicely, then I should treat people nicely. I think that a more accurate rendering of this rule for today should be: treat others the best way you possibly can. Take their needs into consideration, and don’t factor your needs into it at all.

I don’t expect to see a drastic turnaround in society’s headlong rush into hedonism. We live in a fallen world, and it’s very clear that it will only get worse. But that does not stop me from living the way that I should, nor does it relieve me of the burden of leading my family that way. I’m eternally (really) grateful for a wonderful, loving, forgiving wife who is more committed to the Lord than she is to me, and is very committed to me. She is my help-meet, my biggest supporter, and my source of endless amazement. She is one of the main reasons I choose to put others ahead of myself. I have 5 more little reasons at home with her.  It is because of these beauties that I feel the emotion that I do, the disappointment and the frustration at the lighthearted approach to marriage. In this age of Kardashian Jersey Shore value systems and morals, I want to point my family towards something of eternal value, something that is not to be taken lightly. I value, love, and respect my wife because of who God has made her to be. Despite all my selfish choices, I want to show the world what a good marriage looks like. Including romantic getaways….